Started to think about whether it is really necessary to terminate employees who do not perform. Perhaps it is not really necessary. These people that I terminate can keep employment in other companies. Perhaps the perception of hire and fire does not increase the competence of the team that much. Compared to keeping a stable team.
One of my friends on whatsapp said that he personally does not like to terminate employees who do not perform. He prefers to train them. What got me thinking was this - that loyalty and trust is more important than lack of capability. Really worth thinking. But your team members and the stakeholders must be able to accept this too, and there must not be major mistakes. This holds true for borderline cases. I have tried to keep an old employee for two years and towards the end there were enough mistakes such that the other section heads were also pushing to end his employment.
Also, started to think that I really dislike being a manager. No more termination. I'm sick of it. Each time I feel like an asshole. Perhaps no more being a manager. I'm not cut out for it. It sucks. I now clearly know that I prefer being an individual contributor.
Anyway, according to Buddha, "Happiness does not depend on what you have or who you are, it depends on what you think." I try to remind myself this and get over how upset I felt.
Screw it. Go on with life. Stop sulking. Be happy.